it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
