good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
