Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
