after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
