4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize