i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
