I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
