fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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