I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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