Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
