Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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