Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
