I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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