This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
