yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
