two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
