On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
