You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
