He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
