Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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