So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
