i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize