he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Randomize
