i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
