I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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