i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
