I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
