I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
