He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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