He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
