I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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