The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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