I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Vodka?
Forever.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
