ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
