he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
