If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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