I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
