I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize