You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I love you. Go after that dick
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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