If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
