GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
