"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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