she smelled like a LAN party
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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