Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
