he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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