I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
