If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
