I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
