but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
