Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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