We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
