Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
