Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
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I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
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I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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