I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
