two words: eviction party
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
