if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
