he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
