just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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