Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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