Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize