why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
