Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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