I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
