I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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