Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
