Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
