So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize