Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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