I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
