At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I want a musical about memes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
