end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
