i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
