Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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