I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
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We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize