Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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