if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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