Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
