Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize