We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
