we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
