Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
