Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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