In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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