the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
