just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize